


bum bum bum

by Saovi



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, G2 esports, House Party, M/M, Not Really Unrequited Love, Panic Attacks, Sad, Swearing, Vomiting, kinda songfic?, stupid boys in love, weird absence of wunder, where is wunder 2k19, wunder is my love tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saovi/pseuds/Saovi
Summary: First, Perkz drowns in sorrow; then in stolen vodka.
Relationships: Mihael "Mikyx" Mehle/Luka "PerkZ" Perković
Comments: 17
Kudos: 54





	1. PerkZ

**Author's Note:**

> me @ Perkz: stop darling you're breaking your own heart
> 
> ok if someone guesses what song is it based on im giving u bragging rights
> 
> also where is wunder 2k19
> 
> i dont have anyone to beta my fics so if you find some mistakes lmk
> 
> tw: vomitting  
> tw: panic attack

They were all invited to a house party. That's almost the whole story. That's how Luka Perkovic found himself in a bathroom, after dropping in early with a two-liter bottle of vodka and almost drinking Rekkles to death. It was all fun and games, but would be a lot better if his insides didn't insist on going out for a walk.

So there he was, hovering over the toilet for like half an hour, thinking about abstract photos and violins and marble; looking at penguins decorating the bathroom in great quantity. Listening to his own rapid heartbeat, practically begging every available deity to just let him fucking puke.

And suddenly dulled music in the background was too loud, too _here_ , too much. He started shaking violently, without any apparent reason. _Fuck_ , he thought, _not again, not now_. Tears started coming and he just didn't have the strength to do anything, he tumbled on the floor and sobbed. Not being able to catch his breath, he shut his eyes and broke down, with penguins laughing at his pain silently.

Luka couldn't say how much time passed - maybe a minute, ten, an hour. He felt like he was falling, and then, suddenly, nothing. And in the overwhelming nothingness first one chord, then a few more. He started slowly putting them together and it was so vivid in his head, at this moment he would swear he played it once or twice. And then he realized.

It was one of the songs on Miky's playlist. Because, of fucking course. 

***

It was one of the times when he was playing his guitar after a long day of scrims. Mihael came inside without knocking, as always, told him whatever he was playing was shit and then tossed his phone on Luka's bed. Some acoustic song started playing and Miky plopped right next to him. 

Luka put the guitar away on the stand, then laid next to his friend carefully. The melody was simple and he felt like the lyrics were much more important, but to be honest, the only thing he heard was 'bum bum bum' in the chorus. And it was all because of his support - peacefully resting on his left, with eyes closed, hair falling the forehead, almost reaching eyes; chest lazily rising and falling, almost to the monotone rhythm of the song. He called Miky handsome more than once and damn, was he right: he was breathtaking, with soft afternoon light falling on his face and framing it just right. Luka found himself staring at support's closed eyes and wanting to touch his face, stroke his cheek, get the unruly hairs off his eyes. 

He found himself wanting, wanting, wanting. It would be so easy to shift his hand a bit, just to lightly touch Mihael's fingers, maybe say it was an accident afterwards. Lie that he didn't want to and laugh it off. So easy, so effortless that his hand was almost rising...

But the song ended, quietness overtook the room and Luka was left deliberately staring at the celling, wide-eyed. And he realized - fuck. Fuck. What the fuck? Fuck!

Miky, blissfully unaware of Luka's sudden breakdown, reached for his phone. Closing the music app, he absentmindely asked, "Liked it?"

Perkz smiled, lopsided, and found his words, because of course he did. "It was good. Kinda monotone though. And sad."

Mihael gave him The Look. Luka was not sure what it meant, but before he could ask, Miky was already focused on his phone, scrolling on Twitter or something. Blue light illuminated his face, sharp and suddenly aloof. "Alright."

Silence fell on them like a sack of bricks. It was uncomfortable for no apparent reason and Luka resented it with every fiber of his being. He got up, then sighed. "I'm going to the kitchen."

And, without waiting for response, he did so. On his way to kitchen he might have kinda shoved Jankos into the doorframe, which resulted in a comment in Polish ( _A tego co ugryzło?_ ), which meant God-knows-what. Luka didn't really care; he was going to make Marcin even more mad by drinking his vodka and it was already decided. 

He fell on the wooden floor, hard. Fortunately, there was no one in the kitchen, which meant no irritating lectures about stealing and drinking excessively. Perkz was left alone, with Jankos' vodka and his own thoughts.

Luka wasn't, by any means, stupid. Far from it. He wouldn't be so great at League if he was an idiot, but, holy fuck, did he feel like one. It wasn't like he just fell in love; his feelings for Mihael were always there, somewhere deep inside, hidden from teammates, coaches, friends. Maybe even not as well as he thought, seeping through cracks in his armor. And at this exact moment they flooded him, leaving with nothing but terrible certainty: Luka Perkovic was in love with his support, literally an angel, his Miky. He took a big gulp. 

His. He fucking wished. 

***

Loud pounding on the bathroom door echoed in his head. Someone was screaming; Marcin or Rasmus, he wasn't sure, he couldn't recognize the voice, dull, mind-numbing music was just playing way too loud and he could almost feel the bass in his bones. He retched into the toilet violently. Never a- _fucking_ -gain, he promised himself, but felt a bit better. 

Miky never sent him the song, and Luka never looked. Then, why was it so important? Why was it echoing through his alcohol induced panic attack?

He washed his face. Counted to ten, looking in the mirror. Some miserable, drunk outta his ass imbecille was looking back. Then opened the bathroom door and rolled out nonchalantly. Rasmus and Marcin were standing there, the midlaner obviously worried, jungler mostly pissed.

"I was just puking. Chill," Luka claimed. Not the whole truth, but will do. 

"You stole my fucking vodka," Jankos snarled. "Dude, what's wrong with you?"

Rasmus touched the jungler gently and he calmed down a bit, though was still looking at Luka with distraught. "We are all very worried about you, Luka," Caps said, "it's the first time we've seen you drinking so much. Did something happen? We're all willing to listen if you need to get something off your chest. We're friends, after all."

Marcin nodded with resignation, and all Luka felt was an emotion which he categorized in his mind as _I'm not gonna cry_. Then he remembered _ohana means family_ and started laughing. He just watched Lilo and Stitch with Miky like, a week ago.

Caps was looking at him with surrender; Jankos just tapped his temple. "Leave him be, Rasmus. There's no talking with this drunk asshole, let's wait till he sobers up," jungler insisted, dragging Caps away by the sleeve. 

Luka stared at their backs, getting lost in the crowd of sweaty people. He laughed again, to himself, without any joy. What was going on? What was he doing? Why the fuck he was trying not to think about everything, why was he avoiding Miky, why was he so fucking bitter about not being loved back?

It was his family. He wasn't going to destroy it. 

That's exactly what he was thinking, just until a pair of very worried, dark eyes met his.


	2. MikyX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Miky wants everything to magically get easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is flatsound - my heart goes bum bum bum // [lyrics video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcw6N56Y4O4)
> 
> i know my interpretation might be kind of a reach but... this song is very good. and i thought about it much while writing the first chapter. making it miky's song was just a logical conclusion.
> 
> i'm back and i got wunder out from... wherever he was - for a minor, but rewarding role.
> 
> and stupid boys are still stupid
> 
> hope you enjoy, lmk about any mistakes!!

_You said, "Take the violin that you hang on your wall,  
Stick it under your bed before it crumbles and falls,  
Just don't open your eyes before counting to ten"  
I can hardly remember just the smell of your hands_

Mihael was proud of himself, for all the good reasons. He was a great League player, one of the best supports in EU, maybe even the whole world. But his health issues were so severe, almost to the point of rendering him unable to play again. He wasn't the most emotional person in the world, but it would literally be an end of the world for him; if he had to stop doing that one thing he was so good at, which gave him immense satisfaction and happiness, what would he become?

That's why when his wrists begun acting up again, and Luka and the rest of the teammates started staring at him with enormous worry in their eyes - he stopped playing for a while. He went to the doctor. He did his stretches and mentally prepared for the surgery. He let it go. 

And even though some nights were a complete disaster, with pain burning deep within his skin, leaving him completely worn out next day, almost unable to function like a normal human being, incapable of doing the most basic activities - he let go.

When Luka held him in place and softly whispered threats and swears to his wrists ("If you won't stop tormenting my support, I promise, I will give you a reason to fucking hurt"), it was hard not to laugh.

_As they danced on my body, running over my pores  
With the force of a steering wheel crushing my bones  
I said, "You smell like the devil but you feel like the lord,"_

And those touches! They were like small miracles, so, so gentle, as if Luka was scared he was going to break Mihael's wrists himself. Perkz was always touchy-feely, throwing arms all over Caps when they won a match, playfully punching Jankos in the arm, patting Martin's back after an especially good day of scrims. Even though Mihael wasn't really keen on openly showing affection, he grew used to sudden hugs, touches and other warm gestures. That's just how his AD Carry was - physical contact was like water for him, he needed it to survive.

Those touches, shared over early breakfasts, when Mihael just couldn't sleep and Luka was pulling an all-nighter. When even holding a fucking spoon hurt and he hissed in frustration, Luka would shake his head, sit on the chair in front of him and awkwardly hold his fingers between Mikys, until he's calmed down. 

Embraces after a good match on stage, almost forgotten in the glory of victory, in the adrenaline rush and screams of the fans.

Soothing hugs in the darkness of the night, after Mihael woke up screaming, never spoken about again, lost somewhere between dream and reality. When terrifyingly familiar smell put him right back to sleep. 

They all burned, as unforgettable and pure as tongues of fire.

_And when I think of perfection, you know I'm thinking of your voice  
When you tell me you don't call him your baby  
Because that was the name that you rightfully gave me  
And it's foolish to share with someone else_

Luka wasn't a great singer by any means, but his guitar skills were exceptional and his voice pleasant enough to make Mihael barge into his room sometimes, eager to listen. Though at first he sang rarely, soon it became kind of a tradition. When Miky appeared, melody played by Perkz changed into something he could at least hum to.

He liked Luka's voice much more than he was willing to admit, though mostly when he was _not_ singing. When Luka whined _Mikyyyyy, come back!_ in game, while Mihael went to do some roaming and left the ADC alone on lane - it left him with pleasant warmth in his heart. He grew used to _Miky, my one and only love_ here and _Miky, you're fucking amazing_ there. He was worried about his ego growing from all this praise. Honestly, having Perkz as his botlaner was more like having a girlfriend than all the girlfriends Mihael has had before. It made him laugh. 

Some days Miky catalogued in his mind under the mark of Luka's quiet humming. Some under shouting in-game at each other, complains and compliments. Some, under screaming along to a popular song in the kitchen, almost bursting from laughter. Such a well-matched duo, such great friends!

But there were also days like That Day.

_And my heart goes bum bum bum bum bum  
Bum bum bum bum bum_

When Mihael found the perfect song, his heart almost skipped a beat. It was a breakup song and, though they never were together, not in that way, it just felt overwhelmingly right. It felt just as the feeling Mihael would get while thinking of Luka. After listening more than five times, he couldn't shake it off, couldn't fight what would soon occupy his every thought.

How would it be? Having it all with Luka?

_But you admit that you’re lonely, you’re as cold as a statue_

Comforting him after lost matches with FPX, when Luka got suddenly cold?

He was the captain, after all, and they haven't played to their full potential. Loss was bitter, but they felt strong - having each other, having next year. There was no blame thrown around, as it wasn't anyone's fault.

Exception was Perkz, who blamed himself. 

He came out of his room after three days, with bags under eyes red from crying. He met them all in the kitchen for breakfast, bowed down and apologized. 

Jankos was so shocked, he spilled milk all over the tabletop. Wunder - so uncomfortable that he started cleaning after Jankos. Caps tilted his head, looking like all he wanted to say was _First time on the rodeo?_. Only Miky took up the task. 

"You're not alone, Luka," he broke the silence, smiling.

_Pleading ‘fuck me’ on the marble that was used to create you_

Finding Luka under him on good days, handsome and wanting?

He thought he couldn't really imagine that, it was too farfetched and made him feel like a big creep. 

At least until he took a nap in common room and after waking up was met with Jankos' red face. 

"You know that you talk in your sleep?" the jungler asked, leaving Mihael perplexed.

_I can't stand that you’re talking when you shouldn’t be living_

Having Luka everyday, to himself, loving and caring about him?

"Luka Perkovic!" someone screamed after an especially good outplay on top. Miky whooped and Luka softly laughed. 

Such an amazing player, all-round amazing guy. _How is he even alive,_ Miky wondered, looking at his botlaner for a split second. 

Perkz's eyes were smiling.

_I didn’t dodge all your bullets, just denied that they hit me_

Planning the future together, quarelling about it, then coming to terms with one another's needs?

When they fought, for real, it was like a delusion. Perkz screaming about one thing or another, probably being self-deprecating, Miky literally couldn't hear anything. Static in his mind was just too loud.

When Luka left, slamming the door, it was like a weight off Mihael's shoulders. Just because he knew that Luka will come back in better shape, apologetic, and then they will talk and really resolve their issue.

Next day they were always alright.

_So when my body is bleeding, I wont admit that this hurts  
Because admitting isn’t fixing, so then what is it worth?_

Thinking about Perkz like this made Mihael hurt all over. He knew that issues with his wrists were at least half psychological, and a bad day sometimes hurt more than one full of scrims.

It was hard to admit, so he never really did. He fell into a habit of saying _it's my hands again_. He preferred it over saying that his heart ached like a motherfucker with _what ifs_ and _maybes_. He preferred it over saying that he was so confused his head hurt. That he didn't really know what he wanted. 

That he was lost.

_So to say you’re unhappy is like saying you’re sorry  
It's nothing that I care to hear_

Luka got it, just not in the way Miky wanted him to. One night after a particularly depressing day, Luka broke down and said: _I feel lonely, too_.

He didn't know anything. He didn't know that for Mihael, he was like a sore spot. Like a dripping tap. Like a missing tooth. 

Mihael understood Luka's words as _I'm sorry_ , sorry for making him such a big mess.

_Bum bum bum bum bum  
Bum bum bum bum bum  
Bum bum bum bum bum  
Bum bum bum bum bum_

Coming into Perkz's room on That Day was almost like a trial. Could Mihael really do this? Could he even ask?

He was fidgety all day, after drinking three coffees and denying that they've affected him in any way. He generally tried to avoid alcohol, but God, did he want a drink. Scrims were a blur and soon, he was standing in front of Luka's door, not even realizing that it was all planned. That he knew what he was gonna do since he found that song.

He still wasn't sure what was that feeling. But he wanted to try.

_So now the tears in your jeans are the holes in your armor  
You’re the thoughts that I feared  
You’re the mountains that I’ve conquered_

Luka was sitting on his bed, mindlessly pulling on the strings of his guitar. Everything about him was welcoming and soft, except maybe for tattered jeans - though even they felt inviting to touch.

Mihael was in a daze; said something, thrown his phone on the bed, fallen next to Luka, all unknowing and with false bravado. He closed his eyes and thought about nothing and everything, half listening to the words of the song. 

They were great together. So, why was he so fucking scared?

_If I told you I loved you, would you reach out and touch me?  
You taste like the ocean and your body’s disgusting_

Luka felt so, so close next to him.

He reminded Mihael of days spent at the beach, looking at Adriatic Sea in wonder. Laying at the sand, listening to crashing waves and screams of children. Contemplating cold, Slowenian sun. 

He couldn't bring himself to say anything. They laid in silence.

He was a coward.

_The only reason you breathe is to sleep through the night_  
The only reason you speak is to tell me that I’m fine  
The only reason you breathe is to sleep through the night  
The only reason you speak is to state that you’re mine 

Luka said something offhand about the song, like he couldn't care less. Mihael opened his eyes and suddenly felt like crying.

Yes. Yes, it was sad. Everything here was sad. Miky's feelings were a pathetic fucking heap of shit and shouldn't really exist. Whatever they were. He wasn't ready to admit the truth, though deep inside, he knew. Of course he knew, how could a human being lie to himself for so long?

And through all that, everything he could mutter was, "Alright." He had so many words in his head, so many ways to explain. But that was all he said, scrolling on Twitter, ignoring Luka's stupid face. 

When Perkz ran away, Mihael sighed deeply. Was it so fucked up? Was _he_ fucked up? 

Laying in Luka's bed gave him no answers, so he went to Caps. Midlaner was sitting at his desk, making some sort of a complicated house of cards. Wunder's presence was big behind small Rasmus, seemingly cheering on him silently.

"Hey, Rasmus," Mihael started, standing in the doorway, "am I fucked up?"

Wunder shushed him, but it was too late. Caps flinched and the house fell down. Martin groaned. Rasmus sighed with resignation, then looked at the support. 

"Oh boy," he exclaimed in a small, sad voice, and that was it.

_And my heart goes bum bum bum bum bum_

When Mihael lost Luka at this God-forsaken party, he tried to convince himself that he couldn't care less.

_Bum bum bum bum bum_

Even though that was impossible.

_Bum bum bum bum bum_

They survived so much together.

_Bum bum bum bum bum_

Couldn't they survive some maybe-not-reasonable feelings between two teammates?

_Bum bum bum bum bum_

And so he found himself searching, between a mess of bodies, for one familiar face.

_Bum bum bum bum bum_

Was it really such a reach? That they could fall in love?

_Bum bum bum bum bum_

When he locked eyes with surprised Luka Perkovic, everything inside of him died again. 


End file.
